I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
