The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Life without a bra equals bliss.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
