You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
