I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
