Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
cat food counts as protein by the way
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
