Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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