I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We were destined to go to rehab together
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
