I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
