you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
