I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
