I faked an abortion last night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
