Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
