he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
