I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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