My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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