fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
