It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize