so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
