id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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