Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
do nipples grow back?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
