Plan B is the new Plan A
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize