cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
