wrigley field is MILF paradise
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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