forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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