There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
