The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
