community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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