i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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