Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
