it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
