Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
