dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
