you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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