So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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