I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am naked and annoyed.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
