i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
