yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
