I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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