My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
