Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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