I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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