On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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