it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
