Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize