Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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