2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
