Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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