woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
