I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
