I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
