He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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