then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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