I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
