my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
