it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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