omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
