If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
