Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
