after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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