if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
