Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
