So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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