I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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