Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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