Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
