someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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