I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
