Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Randomize
