I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
