I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
