We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
