trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
