You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
