im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
