My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
