I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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