I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
