Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
