I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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