I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
