I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize