were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
