If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
