There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
