I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
