just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
