why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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