for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize