Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize