Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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