All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
