so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
