His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
