I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I AM VODKA MAN
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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