Got a toothbrush?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize