If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i dont even know how to be here
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
