So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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