god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
