remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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