how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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