With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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