Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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