Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
