if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
