When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
