She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize